The issue of overprotective parents has been noted in schools and organized activities and what many people may not know is that it is spilling over to university, college and even the workplace.

At first I was amazed to hear that parents of children in their late teens and early 20′s were setting up meetings with their kids’ university professors – sometimes before their child arrived on campus, other times if the student was struggling with a course or workload. Now of course parents love their children and want them to be successful – unfortunately this behaviour is stripping away independence and accountability.

A colleague then related a story from when she was in HR for a large entertainment company. One of her employees was late coming the work and was scheduled for a corrective disciplinary meeting in her office. She was surprised that the young employee (17 or 18) was accompanied by his parents who wanted to make sure his rights were observed.

Other HR professionals have told stories about parents who have shown up to job interviews and sat in on the interview with their child.

These same kids often struggle with the real demands of the workplace. A restaurant manager shared with me that an 18 year old dishwasher had to be let go because he didn’t come to work on time. The employee then called in saying he wasn’t told that being to work on time was a requirement.

What is interesting is that teachers have been neutered in not being able to enforce deadlines on many school assignments. One teacher confessed that they have been directed to accept assignments at any time up until the last day of school and give full marks – without penalty. This drives conscientious parents crazy because they push their children to get assignments done on time, only to find out that the class gets a few more days to complete the project.

Advice to Parents:

To get your kids ready for the harsh world, it is important that they learn accountability skills early. Ask yourself if advocating on their behalf is better for them than suffering the consequences of their action. Most of us have learned over the years because we screwed up and suffered from our actions. It’s a great teacher. Instead of interfering – support, encourage and coach the kid ahead of time and then let them go to the interview, the professor and the boss on their own – it will be a great lesson in life.

Check out the upcoming Speaking for Success program – now it is a one day course on April 29th and Advanced Communication – Persuasion Dynamics on May 7th – visit www.LeadershipWizard.com for all the info.

When you look at all the decisions made by a manager or a supervisor, in many cases the decision can be made one or two levels lower in the organization. Same thing goes for problem solving – employees bring problems to their boss that they can and should be able to solve on their own.

So why does this happen? It’s a combination of factors. First, let’s agree that if an employee has worked in their role long enough – and this depends on the job – 3 months, 6 months, 6 years – they probably know what to do. In that case the employee may be lacking in self-confidence, or may be keeping their boss happy by always checking with them. This dependency is fostered by both the manager and the employee. Unfortunately it does not empower employees to make decisions on their own.

How does this behaviour spill over into our personal lives? My son plays house league hockey and he’s 13 years old. Before one game he was complaining about having a sore back and didn’t think he could play – my son loves playing so I knew it wasn’t an excuse. My wife suggested that I go in and tell the coach that Ryan couldn’t play. Of course my son was more than capable of doing this on his own – and so I suggested he tell his coach – and he did – it would have been easier for me to do it for him – but would take the accountability away from him.

So what do you suggest to managers – First recognize when someone is trying to push up a problem or decision that they can solve on their own. Instead of taking the problem over for them – let them retain ownership and offer encouragement or some coaching to help them find their own answer.

Next week we’ll look at over protective parents and their impact at the workplace.

And there are two upcoming courses – Speaking for Success on Apr 3 and 17 and Advanced Communications – Persuasion Dynamics on May 7th – go to www.LeadershipWizard.com.

There is a tendency whenever a problem pops up to think that revising the policy and procedure will fix the problem. Often its a knee jerk reaction to an employee who abuses a rule or guideline or a manager who is inconsistent. Often the result is that everyone gets punished for the transgressions of the few. And it’s frustrating and can limit creativity and innovation.

Managers and supervisors tend to abandon their leadership role and simply refer employees to policies and procedures and the need to compliance.

Let’s look at a few situations where policies and procedures are less than motivational:

Safety – Instead of saying we have to follow the safety rules because we need to reduce
compensation costs – say it’s important to work safely because I care about you and want you to go home to your family with all of your fingers and toes.

Punctuality and Attendance – Instead of saying we have policies about attendance and being late – say we need you here and we need you to be on time because you’re an important part of the team – when you’re not here it makes us have to scramble and that hurts the team and the customers.

Creative and self-motivated employees often find creative ways to work around a boss who is anal about policies. In fact they replace the leadership they are not getting from the boss.

Advice for the managers – realize that policies and procedures are important for providing a baseline. Instead of blaming the rules – get to the real intent of the message – reach out to people and show that you mean what you say with praise and correction as required.

We have two courses coming up – Speaking for Success April 3rd and 17th and Advanced Communication – Persuasion Dynamics on May 7th. Go to www.LeadershipWizard.com for all the details.

Being approachable is a constructive and beneficial characteristic.

Story: A production manager at one of my clients had a pretty tough, almost mean expression on his face – that was his default expression. I knew from talking to him that he was actually a good guy but that facial expression would almost instill fear right off the bat. Because he looked unapproachable, his production people would avoid him. I suggested that he smile more which made him more inviting to talk to.

If managers have that “don’t talk to me expression” then people will hide problems and mistakes – of course this only makes the manager more angry causing them to lash out and lose composure.

The same thing can apply to parents – if you create the demeanour that causes your kids to not want to talk to you – then they probably won’t and you won’t know what’s going on in their lives.

One of the best things to become more approachable is to smile more and use all three levels of communication. Cliche communication – How’s it going, How are you, How was your weekend. Head level communication – looking at the facts and heart level communication – showing empathy – you look frustrated, that must have been difficult.

We have two workshops coming up – Speaking for Success – get confident speaking in front of people and Advanced Communication – Persuasion Dynamics. Go to www.LeadershipWizard.com.