Managing Conflict is one of the top internet searches that brings people to our website. Most clients have the topic included in the leadership training we provide to managers, supervisors and team leaders.

Many workshop participants associate the word conflict with negative words like arguement, war, battle, disagreement and frustration.

Instead we could view conflict more constructively as being essential for effective organizations and relationships. Conflict is normal and natural, especially with regard to change. Because change involves moving away from the status quo, it can create a difference of opinion and it can stir defensive reactions.

Defensiveness is natural and appears in one of two forms: Passive/Victim thinking – the conflict might hurt me so I will lay low. Or Aggressive/Competitive – I will aggressively argue in hopes of winning the conflict.

Instead, leaders should view conflict as an opportunity to lead people through what may initially appear to be an irreconcilable difference in opinion.

Seven steps on how to lead others through conflict

1. Check your own thinking: Does conflict stir an aggressive response in you, a passive/victim response or can you view conflict objectively in order to help others overcome their defensiveness? If you do not have control of your own reaction, you will be less able to help others. During the safety briefing on an airplane, you are told to put your own mask on first, before helping someone else with his or her’s. The same concept applies to conflict.
2. Put the issue on the table early: Describe what you see as the issue that is creating the conflict or might create conflict in the future. Leaders do not try and avoid difficult issues; instead they believe that getting issues out early is the best way to avoid escalation.
3. Name the reaction you see in others: Being able to articulate the reaction you are seeing in others is key to helping them neutralize their defensiveness. To an aggressive person, you can say, “I see you are upset/angry about this.” To a quieter person, you can say, “I sense this is not okay with you, is that the case?”
4. Acknowledge that the reaction is reasonable: Instead of immediately presenting a counter arguement, consider telling the person that you understand why they feel the way they do. “It’s perfectly understandable to be upset about this.”
5. Reframe to show a different perspective: “Another way we could look at this is…” or “I think we share the desire to get the best possible outcome from this situation.”
6. Propose potential solutions – “What if we were able to look at some of the concerns you have, determine how likely they are to happen and the impact on the process and then see if we need to tweak the solution to address those needs?” or “Right now this is what needs to happen because of the business conditions we face. However, we could sit down and review the situation as circumstances change to see if a new alternative emerges.”
7. Get agreement and commitment to action: After each discussion, agree on what the next step is. Even if the action is simply to review the situation again in 30 days, at least there is a sense of doing something. In a situation where the leader has little control or influence, there is still an opportunity to monitor future changes and see if additional options will emerge down the road. Avoid commiting to something you cannot do because it can create an even larger conflict in the future.

No Complaints Does Not Constitute Agreement

Sometimes a leader will assume that everyone is in agreement because no one is complaining directly. Passive or victim thinking causes people to commiserate and hint at their concern. The leader must be alert to these more subtle signs of conflict. It takes longer to get a quieter person to express his or her concerns. The reward for the leader in being proactive at bringing out and resolving these quieter concerns is that passive people tend to congregate together.

Do Your Leaders Need to Learn How to Deal with Conflict Constructively?

Consider our half-day or full-day workshop Workshop Outline delivered on-site. Send us an email info@uniquedevelopment.com or call us toll free at 1-866-700-9043 and we will see if there is a fit between your need and our solution.

Have you ever imagined being the author of a non-fiction book? The Canadian Association of Professional Speakers (CAPS) Southwestern Ontario Chapter is presenting publishing guru Dan Poynter from California on Saturday, May 23rd in London, Ontario.

As a personal endorsement it was Dan Poynter who inspired my father Irwin and I to write and publish our first book Employees Not Doing What You Expect. Dan helped us understand all the steps to making our vision a reality. The book continues to generate global interest five years after its initial release. In fact Irwin and I are attending the full-day session again because we are nearing completion of our next book.

During the full-day workshop Dan will help you:

- Get your book written more quickly and easily than you thought.
- Get celebrities to endorse your book.
- Get quotations and illustrations.
- Decide whether to approach a publisher or self-publish.
- Define the market for your book and decide how to reach them.
- How to use Social Networking (Facebook, LinkedIn, etc.) to research and market your book.

If any of this sounds interesting, you can find out more and register at http://www.caps-swo.com/ You must pre-register for the seminar.

Leaders are expected to remain proactive and positive in challenging situations. When everyone around you is losing hope, your job is to re-ignite the spark of future success.

Hopelessness is one of the worst feelings a human being can feel. At a joint meeting between the Rotary Club of London and the Salvation Army, Major Alf Richardson, Divisional Commander with the Salvation Army gave a stirring speech celebrating the Salvation Army’s mission of Giving Hope Today.

As a leader you might not be charged with providing hope to those coping with addiction and poverty like the Salvation Army; you are however expected to give hope to the people you lead.

In a recession, it is easy for your employees to experience hopelessness. In good times, we think they will go on forever. Similarly in bleak times, we think it will never get better. The leader is responsible for giving people hope.

How to Create Hope

1. Compelling Vision: Look up to the horizon and envision where you want to take your organization given the short term realities and the long term potential.

2. Create a Plan: Define the roadmap that will take you from the current situation to the vision you created. The plan need not be perfect; it just needs to be believable to you and to others.

3. Communicate to Create Hope: Give people hope by revealing your vision and plan. Encourage participation and buy-in. Ask for help in making it a reality. Show your energy and enthusiasm and even the most skeptical people will begin to see the glimmer of hope of future success.

Put your own self-doubt aside and commit to giving hope today.

How can you increase your probability of promotion so that when the next opportunity arises, you are seen as the ideal candidate to earn the promotion?

Visibility and Intention: An individual working for one of my clients was passed up for a challenging new assignment. Her boss didn’t know she was interested in the new job. Instead of toiling away in obscurity, ask for greater challenges and let your manager know that you are interested in taking on more responsibility.

Accountability: Put yourself in a position where you have no choice but to be accountable for the success or failure of a project. Sticking your neck out might appear risky and yet you will get noticed by taking the lead. Even if something goes sideways on the project, avoid blaming others and instead present an action plan to get back on track.

Growth: Stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone. Take a new course, ask for an assignment outside your regular job duties. Avoid making others responsible for your stagnation. Take ownership over your career.

Results: Show results for your activities. Demonstrate the impact on the bottom line, sales growth, profit, waste reduction, cash flow improvement. Quantify the results you generate for your organization and you become more valuable.

Network: Your next promotion might not be within your department, location, company or even industry. Make connections both on-line and in person with a variety of people in areas that might interest you. Listen for opportunities and be willing to speak up if something looks good to you.

Build Up Others: In order to justify and ultimately succeed in a leadership role, you must give credit to others and make them look good. By offering deserved praise you are demonstrating leadership. As you rise in an organization, it is less about YOU and more about getting things done through others.

A client did an experiment. In their food processing plant they measured the time it took for a rumor to spread from the front office to the shipping dock. It took only 20 minutes. In the meantime managers get frustrated when their message takes weeks, months or years to spread throughout their organization.

Why People Gossip

One of the most effective motivators for employees is a feeling of being in on things. They crave this so much that they will take even the smallest bit of information and spread it quickly. The message gets distorted and exaggerated from person to person because each individual wants the recognition that comes with telling the story.

How Leaders Can Communicate at the Speed of Gossip

1. Recognize that employees, in their desire to feel part of a team, want to know what’s going on so be sure to provide regular messaging. If you leave a void, it will be filled with inaccurate and exaggerated gossip. Many front line leaders use a stand-up shift start meeting to provide information and set expectations for the day ahead.
2. Part of gossip is the recognition that people crave by passing along exaggerated stories. Provide regular (constant) recognition so that employees know they don’t need to tell tall tales to get attention.
3. Build stronger relationships with employees. People gossip less about people they care about. If the grapevine is over active, look at whether you are building silos and fostering individualism by playing favorites. Make it a point to connect with team members regularly and personally. They will appreciate the attention and find it harder to talk negatively about the leader or their teammates.

Excessive gossip is an indicator of poor communication and possibly ineffective leadership. Take action to increase the effectiveness of your front line leaders and their managers with training, coaching or mentoring.

Now is your change to take your leadership learning to a new level with the Be a Better Leader audio podcast.

A podcast is just a fancy term for an audio file that you download to your computer and either listen to it on your computer or transfer to your iPod or mp3 player. No matter how you listen to it, a podcast makes it convenient to increase your knowledge and skill and take your leadership skills and career development to a new level.

The Be a Better Leader podcast features Unique Training & Development President Greg Schinkel delivering practical tips and insights you can immediately apply to be more effective in your current role and future promotions.

The new podcast follows nearly three years of weekly radio appearances as the Leadership Wizard. The podcast format allows for a longer segment and multiple topics.

In the first podcast is 13 minutes long. These topics are presented:

• Lead Change, Don’t Manage It
• What Your Boss May be Really Thinking and Saying
• Leadership That Comes Too Late
• To Twitter is Not to Fritter

You are invited to check out the podcast for yourself and provide feedback.

If you are an iPod user and have iTunes installed on your PC or Mac, just click on the link below to go to iTunes and subscribe to the podcast. Please provide a rating after you listen. http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=311462573

If you are not an iTunes/iPod user, please click on the link below to listen to the podcast on your computer or download to an mp3 player.
http://www.beabetterleader.com/podcasts

Connect with Greg Schinkel at LinkedIn, Plaxo and Twitter (http://twitter.com/leadershipwiz)

Sometimes I catch myself humming Christmas carols in July or repeating the chorus from the latest overplayed pop song on the radio. Usually it is the basic melodies that are the easiest to recall and repeat. Pure music lovers likely can get lost in complex melodies while the rest of us hum our happy tune.

Message Muddled with Corporate Speak

Most organizations and industry groups have a verbal shorthand that is part of their culture. This lingo helps speed up communication among like minded people. At the executive and management level in an organization you may hear words like metrics, competencies, EBITDA, supply chain, and customer relationship management.

The challenge comes in delivering this information to the rest of the organization where they perceive it as gobbly-gook. You could force everyone to learn this complex music like taking classical music appreciation class. Or you could make the message more melodic.

Make Your Message More Melodic

• Instead of making the message more complex, strip it down to its essence. What are you trying to say?
• Use a visual example – paint a picture that helps make the message more memorable. Relate the visual to something everyone can relate to. In his book Good to Great, author Jim Collins had a look of excellent content, however what most executives remember is “Get the right people on the bus”, “and then make sure the right people are in the right seats.”
• Repeat the message. The chorus of a song usually repeats at least three times. A simple melody repeated many times becomes catchy and that’s what you want your message to be, isn’t it?

When people can’t remember your message, is it their fault or yours? The responsibility for clarity is the primary responsibility of the sender. Work on your melody and your employees may just end up whistling a happy tune.

One characteristic of an effective leader is how approachable he or she is. Being approachable leads to being informed about both good news and challenges. If people feel comfortable coming to you then you will have an opportunity to influence them.

Two facial expressions that keep others from approaching you:

1. Angry Face – Terry, a production manager at a client of ours where we were delivering supervisory training, had a facial expression that made it seem like he was ticked-off by default. He wondered why his production supervisors didn’t come to him with issues sooner. Of course when Terry found out about the problems, he got upset, further reinforcing the desire of his team to avoid him. When Terry smiled, he was naturally warmer and more approachable. Like most people with a macho exterior, Terry was actually a kind hearted person on the inside.

2. Aloof Face – More common than angry-face, aloofness is a neutral expression that is interpreted as remaining distant from others and disinterested. When you are aloof, others will not approach you because they get the sense you do not want to be interupted.

Both angry-face and aloof-face are defensive. Angry-face is aggressive-defensive hoping to keep you away with fear. Aloof-face is passive-defensive; keeping you at a distance by melting into the background, hoping not to be noticed.

How to be more approachable

1. Smile! A warm smile is always inviting to people. Consciously smile more often and watch how other people make eye contact with you and are willing to engage in conversation.

2. Talk to People – Get out of your comfort zone and strike up a conversation with more strangers. At work, go out of your way to ask people how they are and what they did on the weekend. Even though this is small talk, it goes a long way to being approachable.

3. Be secure in who you are – one reason we keep people at a distance can be a deep rooted sense of insecurity. Not wanting to say the wrong thing or be embarrassed. Once you realize that this feeling of inadequacy is unfounded and that you are good enough, you’ll feel more comfortable around others.

There are some good resources available in my book store to take yourself to the next level. If you have a book to recommend, comment on this post, or send me an email and it could be added to the collection.

During training workshops this week with health care professionals and team leaders and supervisors with a successful printing company, I asked, “Out of all the bosses you have had in your career, how many would you consider to be great leaders?”

The average response was that only 1 or 2 out of 10-12 managers or supervisors exhibited strong leadership skills.

When asked, “What characteristics made the leader you admired successful?” the responses included:

• Provided a challenge
• Was supportive
• Showed appreciation for a job well done
• Had confidence in me that I did not have in myself
• Made the job fun
• Was a good communicator
• Was a good listener
• Approachable
• Good coaching skills
• Sense of accomplishment/achievement
• Knowledgeable

Then I asked the question, “Was the best leader you were thinking of ‘perfect’ or did they have flaws?” Everyone agreed that even the best leaders have flaws and that it wasn’t necessary to be ‘perfect’ to be a good leader.

There is a vacancy of leadership in society and in organizations. Leadership is not exclusively the job of executives, managers and supervisors. Every person influences the behavior and output of the people with whom they interact.

Decide to take your leadership role seriously. We are all counting on YOU!

I received this web inquiry from a shop teacher in an area being particularly hard hit by the automotive industry downturn. Check out my ideas and feel free to add your own comments.

• “I am a shop teacher in high school. I would like to keep my students motivated in the school setting because they seem to see no hope because of the economy.”

Thank you for your web inquiry and congratulations on going the extra mile to help your students stay positive. You have a big influence so your own personal example will be a big help.
The current news (plus whatever the students hear at home) can be a big drag. Bad news can be like a heavy fog that envelopes us if do not maintain a personal beacon or lighthouse of some positive news.

- 10% unemployment mean 90% employment
- If the economy shrinks by 5%, it still has 95% of the output from before
- The population of the world is still growing so there will be greater opportunities
- Companies are still hiring and having a trade will serve your students well
- There will still be a job shortage for skilled workers with great attitudes
- Most of the news is speculation about what might happen or facts about what happened long in the past
- In tough times it can take more effort to succeed and that extra effort will serve you well in the long term
- Even if you have to settle for a lesser job than you want – it is still good experience for the future when a better job turns up

Ask them on a personal basis to reflect on something positive and to tune out some of the negativity.

If you are reading this post, please feel free to add your own comments.