Last week I had the opportunity to spend a few hours with a manager in advance of some leadership training that kicks off this week.
 
We were discussing how his management job had changed over the years. More automation, more communication, more regulations and fewer staff on the team to get the work done.  Sound familiar? If you allow it to, all this activity can draw you away from the time to lead your team.
 
No Time to Lead
 
As workload increases, managers trap themselves behind their computers and Blackberries, firing off emails instead of building relationships with their peers and their employees. Instead of one-on-ones, the manager uses group meetings as a convenient way to get the word out. Employees become disengaged, feel the manager doesn’t care about them and become less productive. This in turn causes more work for the manager and the problem snowballs.
 
Just like busy parents who think that “quality time” is more important to children than “quantity of time”, there is no substitute for face to face time between a manager and team member.
 
There is no magic bullet or ultra-concentrated leadership formula. In fact research of highly effective people leaders shows that being a good leader requires approximately 20% more time. The reason is that touching base with employees, providing regular feedback and getting to know them as people can’t be rushed.
 
What do you gain from investing this time with your employees? You get greater commitment, accountability, improved business results and a greater likelihood for promotion and advancement.
 
Reflection Questions
 
Are you caught in the hamster wheel of endless tasks, to-do’s and emails? Are you neglecting the needs of the people around you?
 
Action Items

• Reflect on your time spent on tasks versus time spent with people.
• Even if it means deferring some of your tasks, take time with the people who work with you.
• Observe the impact of spending more time communicating with your peers and team members in terms of morale, productivity and results.

Lately I’ve had the pleasure of coaching a number of managers who are aggressive or abrasive. That’s right I said pleasure!
 
How can it be that these challenging individuals can be great to work with? In this week’s LeaderFeeder I want to share some insights and ideas for you, including the concept of relative vs. absolute abrasiveness. 
 
Relative Abrasiveness
 
Think of Aggressive/Abrasive behaviour as a continuum. At the extreme far end is a sociopathic narcissist. At the other end is passive/wimpiness.
 
None of my coaching clients is ABSOLUTELY abrasive or aggressive. They are RELATIVELY abrasive compared with the culture of the organization they work in.
 
In many cases, they were specifically recruited to turn around situations, departments or divisions that were off track. Initially their tenacity for solving problems pays large dividends. Unfortunately their style can really irritate other people and after the big problems are solved, people focus less on the results and more on the behaviour.
 
In fact when we measure the thinking and behaviour of these abrasive managers we sometimes discover that they are very constructive individuals operating in a very passive culture. Because the abrasive manager is task focused, he or she can be insensitive to the impact they have on people.
 
Instead of vilifying these aggressive managers, perhaps the organization needs to look in the mirror to see if the overall culture is too passive. By working together, the organization can benefit from being more results-focused and the aggressive manager can shift to being more people sensitive.
 
Conflict in itself is not bad. It is essential for effectiveness in organizations and relationships. Managing the conflict constructively is the best way to get maximum benefit from the aggressive manager while minimizing collateral damage to the organization.
 
Reflection Questions
 
Are the aggressive/abrasive people you know absolutely evil or is the corporate culture too soft which only serves to highlight the person’s task focus? Should your organization embrace accountability while at the same time taming the abrasive manager?
 
Action Items 

• View the individuals you find abrasive or aggressive with curiosity instead of judgement.
• Determine if the organization would benefit from being more task/results driven.
• Realize that is often impossible to reach absolute equilibrium between people and tasks.

This past week I had the opportunity to read Malcolm Gladwell’s latest book What The Dog Saw. Gladwell wrote the best sellers Tipping Point, Blink and Outliers.
 
What I like most about Gladwell’s books is that they are fueled by a curiosity about things that most of us don’t think twice about. In What The Dog Saw, Gladwell turns commonly held notions on their head including homelessness, panic vs. choking, what makes a good teacher and many other myths.
 
In organizations, curiosity fuels innovation and the solving of stubborn problems.  We’ll examine how to foster curiosity in yourself and others to get breakthrough results.
  
Culture of Curiosity
 
Curiosity is the root of innovation and creativity and being curious is a constructive leadership characteristic. Organizations and their leaders can snuff out curiosity by implementing rigid rules, having sacred cows and dismissing questions that could lead to new discoveries.
 
A leader who is curious will handle employee performance problems more effectively. Instead of punishing or berating an employee, the curious leader is interested in why the employee chose to behave the way he did and how it can be prevented.
 
Being curious in a conflict situation allows you to see the other person’s perspective so that you can propose mutually acceptable alternatives.
 
Being curious in negotiations allows you to understand the other party’s needs and wants so that you can achieve win/win outcomes.

Curiosity is what will create the next EBay or Google or Microsoft and curiosity will lead your organization to a breakthough opportunity.  
 
Reflection Questions
 
How curious a person are you? Is curiosity encouraged in your organization? How many things are taken at face value without being more open minded to seeing new opportunities?
 
Action Items

• Be curious about long standing problems in your workplace.
• Ask questions that inspire curiosity in others, “How could we serve our customers better and generate better results?”
• Avoid crushing other people’s curiosity when comments like, “We’ve always done it that way, ” or “That will never work.”

Are you addicted to being right? Being right always feels nice but it could be holding you back from greater success. My wife Robin is right about many things and she is kind enough to let me think some of those things are actually my idea. We’ll explore the issue in greater depth below.

Addicted to Being Right
 
Chances are you don’t like being told what to do. Whether it’s your mother, father, spouse, child or boss, you will resist doing what they tell you to do, even if they are right. Same thing happens when you tell people what to do. The resistance to being told what to do resides at both a conscious and below-conscious level.
 
Help other people be right
 
While we resist ideas from outside ourselves, we readily accept our own rationale. Therefore, instead of wanting to take credit for a great idea or waiting for the opportunity to say, “I told you so,” why not help other people come to the conclusion for themselves?
 
There are three primary ways to help other people think through situations for themselves and come to the best solution. Using these tools will help you become a more influential person both at work and at home.

1. Ask questions – When you use open ended questions like How, What, Tell me about… it forces the other person to think and respond. That thinking process helps the other person take ownership of the idea.
2. Tell stories – When you hear, see or read a story, you actually immerse yourself in the story. The saying “Selling is Storytelling” is quite accurate because as the other person inserts themselves into your story, they begin to own the idea for themselves.
3. Use powerful words – When you ask someone to do something, always give them a reason. By inserting the word ‘because’ and giving a reason, you increase the compliance by up to 50% over not giving them a reason. Eliminate the word ‘but’ from your vocabulary. When you use the word ‘but’ you are telling the other person that what they just said is wrong and what you’re about to say is right. Instead use the word ‘and’ to join your thought to theirs. That way the thought becomes theirs and they will act on it more readily.

When you become more persuasive and influential you can smile to yourself knowing that you had the great idea to begin with and feel good knowing that the other person is more committed to taking the desired action.
 
Reflection Questions
 
Is it overly important for you to be seen as being right? Do other people do what you want willingly or do they passively or actively resist your ideas, requests and initiatives?
 
Action Items 

• Realize that greater success can be achieved when other people think an idea is theirs even if you helped them discover the idea for themselves.
• Become an expert question asker and story teller, knowing that these techniques help other people grasp your ideas with greater ease.
• Give people a reason to do what you suggest and instead of arguing, join your ideas to theirs to give them a sense of ownership.

If you are curious about how to become more persuasive and influential, check out our Persuasive and Influential Leadership course with Dr. Peter DeShane on Feb 10th, 2010.  A live workshop and a self-study program is available.