Are you addicted to being right? Being right always feels nice but it could be holding you back from greater success. My wife Robin is right about many things and she is kind enough to let me think some of those things are actually my idea. We’ll explore the issue in greater depth below.

Addicted to Being Right
 
Chances are you don’t like being told what to do. Whether it’s your mother, father, spouse, child or boss, you will resist doing what they tell you to do, even if they are right. Same thing happens when you tell people what to do. The resistance to being told what to do resides at both a conscious and below-conscious level.
 
Help other people be right
 
While we resist ideas from outside ourselves, we readily accept our own rationale. Therefore, instead of wanting to take credit for a great idea or waiting for the opportunity to say, “I told you so,” why not help other people come to the conclusion for themselves?
 
There are three primary ways to help other people think through situations for themselves and come to the best solution. Using these tools will help you become a more influential person both at work and at home.

1. Ask questions – When you use open ended questions like How, What, Tell me about… it forces the other person to think and respond. That thinking process helps the other person take ownership of the idea.
2. Tell stories – When you hear, see or read a story, you actually immerse yourself in the story. The saying “Selling is Storytelling” is quite accurate because as the other person inserts themselves into your story, they begin to own the idea for themselves.
3. Use powerful words – When you ask someone to do something, always give them a reason. By inserting the word ‘because’ and giving a reason, you increase the compliance by up to 50% over not giving them a reason. Eliminate the word ‘but’ from your vocabulary. When you use the word ‘but’ you are telling the other person that what they just said is wrong and what you’re about to say is right. Instead use the word ‘and’ to join your thought to theirs. That way the thought becomes theirs and they will act on it more readily.

When you become more persuasive and influential you can smile to yourself knowing that you had the great idea to begin with and feel good knowing that the other person is more committed to taking the desired action.
 
Reflection Questions
 
Is it overly important for you to be seen as being right? Do other people do what you want willingly or do they passively or actively resist your ideas, requests and initiatives?
 
Action Items 

• Realize that greater success can be achieved when other people think an idea is theirs even if you helped them discover the idea for themselves.
• Become an expert question asker and story teller, knowing that these techniques help other people grasp your ideas with greater ease.
• Give people a reason to do what you suggest and instead of arguing, join your ideas to theirs to give them a sense of ownership.

If you are curious about how to become more persuasive and influential, check out our Persuasive and Influential Leadership course with Dr. Peter DeShane on Feb 10th, 2010.  A live workshop and a self-study program is available.

Have you experienced the situation where you think you have been clear in communicating what you want and need, only to be disappointed and frustrated when others do not buy in enthusiastically? Even the most thought-out, logical arguments might create unexpected resistance. 

That’s exactly why Dr. Peter DeShane and I collaborated to create a brand new 8 CD and one DVD self-study program called Persuasive and Influential Leadership. Based on the successful live workshop, this self-paced program covers the advanced communication skills you need to get others to do what you need to get done, willingly. 

The program is based on the science of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) which studies the link between how you think and how you communicate.
 
Key Benefits 

• Achieve greater results in less time with less resistance.- Help others adapt to change more easily.
• Get ready for promotion because you are able to get things done through others.
• Reduce conflict by positioning your information to be acceptable to everyone.

 

What the Program Covers: 

• The influence of existing habits both for you and the people around you.
• How to build instant rapport with almost anyone, including people who you don’t naturally click with.
• The science of resistance – why people resist even when they acknowledge the need to change. How to position information so that people think of it as their idea and are more committed.
• Why logic often fails to persuade and how to position information in a way that others can accept both logically and emotionally.
• Why people are naturally programmed to resist change because it causes a disruption to habits – and how to get them to buy in more readily.
• Three main ways people process information and how to identify and adapt to their dominant processing style.
• How to adapt to people who speak much faster than you do, or who speak much slower than you do.
• The power of stories – how to craft your key messages into powerful stories that help people relate to your message on a personal level.
• Using email more effectively to build rapport electronically.
• Using specific words that are proven to create greater commitment by others to do what you want.
• How to overcome obstacles that keep people from moving ahead.
• and much more.

Edutainment 

The program is delivered in an entertaining and engaging way. You will enjoy the conversational style that Greg and Peter use. It will be as if they are sitting with you one on one. You will want to listen to the content again and again to master the skills of influence. 

What is Included 

1. Four audio CD’s covering the core course concepts.
2. A comprehensive workbook that reinforces the key course concepts.
3. An application CD on How to Deal with Difficult People
4. An application CD on how technical roles can communicate with non-technical people.
5. An application CD on Sales. How to get customer buy in more quickly and easily.
6. An application CD for Human Resource Professionals to keep the organization moving forward with positive employee relations practices.
7. A one-hour DVD that demonstrates the course material visually so you can grasp and use the program more easily.

 

Four Application CD’s 

Recognizing that different professions and situations can require different approaches we have recorded four application CD’s that take the core program concepts and focus them on these areas: 

1. Dealing With Difficult People – Once you learn why people are difficult you can alter your approach to get them to buy in more easily. Imagine taking a person who always is oppositional and turning them into your biggest supporter! Less resistance means less stress on you plus the ability to get more done.
2. Technical Professions – Information technology, engineers and other technical roles can struggle with communicating complex information to other areas of the organization. In this application CD we present a systematic approach to presenting technical solutions in a framework that others can support with enthusiasm. Greater buy-in will move projects along faster and get necessary support to new projects.
3. Sales – Sales professionals and others who deal with customers as part of their role will benefit from this application CD that specifically addresses how to get customers to buy into your proposal and how to really determine the level of interest your customer has in your solution. Get customer buy in more easily in order to grow sales.
4. HR – HR professionals often face two challenges. First they need to convince other managers to treat employees with respect and secondly they often have to mediate employee requests and concerns while reinforcing company policy. This application CD gives HR professionals the skills they need to get buy-in more quickly and help the organization achieve success.

 

A DVD shows you how: 

A one hour DVD provides a visual demonstration of the key concepts which will help you grasp the information more quickly and easily. The DVD was produced into a one-hour cable television special and has earned top reviews. 

The investment: 

The entire program is US$339.95. FREE SHIPPING  

Guarantee: We are acredited with the Better Business Bureau so you can rest easy that we will fully refund your purchase price if you are unhappy with the program for any reason within six months of purchase. Simply return it to us and your refund will be processed immediately. 

Order the Program today: 

One time payment of US$339.95 plus Goods and Services Tax 5%.

Call us toll free at 1-866-700-9043 or email info@uniquedevelopment.com 

Managing Conflict is one of the top internet searches that brings people to our website. Most clients have the topic included in the leadership training we provide to managers, supervisors and team leaders.

Many workshop participants associate the word conflict with negative words like arguement, war, battle, disagreement and frustration.

Instead we could view conflict more constructively as being essential for effective organizations and relationships. Conflict is normal and natural, especially with regard to change. Because change involves moving away from the status quo, it can create a difference of opinion and it can stir defensive reactions.

Defensiveness is natural and appears in one of two forms: Passive/Victim thinking – the conflict might hurt me so I will lay low. Or Aggressive/Competitive – I will aggressively argue in hopes of winning the conflict.

Instead, leaders should view conflict as an opportunity to lead people through what may initially appear to be an irreconcilable difference in opinion.

Seven steps on how to lead others through conflict

1. Check your own thinking: Does conflict stir an aggressive response in you, a passive/victim response or can you view conflict objectively in order to help others overcome their defensiveness? If you do not have control of your own reaction, you will be less able to help others. During the safety briefing on an airplane, you are told to put your own mask on first, before helping someone else with his or her’s. The same concept applies to conflict.
2. Put the issue on the table early: Describe what you see as the issue that is creating the conflict or might create conflict in the future. Leaders do not try and avoid difficult issues; instead they believe that getting issues out early is the best way to avoid escalation.
3. Name the reaction you see in others: Being able to articulate the reaction you are seeing in others is key to helping them neutralize their defensiveness. To an aggressive person, you can say, “I see you are upset/angry about this.” To a quieter person, you can say, “I sense this is not okay with you, is that the case?”
4. Acknowledge that the reaction is reasonable: Instead of immediately presenting a counter arguement, consider telling the person that you understand why they feel the way they do. “It’s perfectly understandable to be upset about this.”
5. Reframe to show a different perspective: “Another way we could look at this is…” or “I think we share the desire to get the best possible outcome from this situation.”
6. Propose potential solutions – “What if we were able to look at some of the concerns you have, determine how likely they are to happen and the impact on the process and then see if we need to tweak the solution to address those needs?” or “Right now this is what needs to happen because of the business conditions we face. However, we could sit down and review the situation as circumstances change to see if a new alternative emerges.”
7. Get agreement and commitment to action: After each discussion, agree on what the next step is. Even if the action is simply to review the situation again in 30 days, at least there is a sense of doing something. In a situation where the leader has little control or influence, there is still an opportunity to monitor future changes and see if additional options will emerge down the road. Avoid commiting to something you cannot do because it can create an even larger conflict in the future.

No Complaints Does Not Constitute Agreement

Sometimes a leader will assume that everyone is in agreement because no one is complaining directly. Passive or victim thinking causes people to commiserate and hint at their concern. The leader must be alert to these more subtle signs of conflict. It takes longer to get a quieter person to express his or her concerns. The reward for the leader in being proactive at bringing out and resolving these quieter concerns is that passive people tend to congregate together.

Do Your Leaders Need to Learn How to Deal with Conflict Constructively?

Consider our half-day or full-day workshop Workshop Outline delivered on-site. Send us an email info@uniquedevelopment.com or call us toll free at 1-866-700-9043 and we will see if there is a fit between your need and our solution.