Dealing with Difficult Personalities – This is the third topic in a series leading up to the Personal, Career and Leadership Success Seminar, presented by AM800 at the Caboto Club from 7:00 PM to 9:30 PM.
Q: Why is it that certain people get under our skin and we find them difficult?
A: It could be two reasons – first of all it can start with us – we may find certain people difficult because we have decided to judge them and that has to do with our own biases. The second reason is that the person’s behaviour is completely unacceptable to us when we interact with them – they might be too abrasive, not open minded or not action oriented for us.
Q: So if someone is pushing our buttons and causing us to react, what can we do to control that?
A: Sometimes we go through life with one of two types of passengers riding along with us – the first is the judge and the second is the victim – neither of these is particularly helpful so what I recommend is that when someone behaves in an inconsiderate or inappropriate way, you respond first with objective curiosity – “That’s an interesting reaction! I wonder what makes them act like that!” Doing this removes the judgement factor. The next thing is to realize that their behaviour is mostly about them and less about you. Your decision to take it personally is allowing the victim to take over. Being a victim takes away your power. Ask yourself – what is it about me that causes me to allow this person to get under my skin?
Q: Would you suggest that we just avoid these people?
A: Certainly if you can limit your exposure to people that suck the living energy out of you, choose to do that. In some cases we may not be able to and then it becomes necessary to change our mindset. There is a waiter who works at a restaurant my family likes to visit – he used to drive me crazy because he was almost too friendly. I would hope that he wouldn’t be our server and sure enough, he would almost always be our server. So I decided to change my thinking towards him. Instead of being annoyed I realized that this was just his way of personalizing his service. Once I accepted that, it doesn’t bother me to be seated in his section. Another interesting thing happened – I don’t get seated in his section as much as I used to. It’s as if the universe kept exposing me to him to test me and once I decided it didn’t bother me, it stopped happening.
I will be addressing this topic and many more and you should get your tickets to the Personal, Career and Leadership Success Seminar on Feb 20th at the Caboto Club. Visit www.LeadershipWizard.com or call my office at 1-866-700-9043.